lusciousspike: (spander by Liz)
[personal profile] lusciousspike
Been a while oh-gentle readers. Hope this is worth the wait! We aim to entertain.

Title: La Femme Spander
Authors: [ profile] lusciousspike & [ profile] lusciousxander 



Part Fifteen:

Stepping out of the shower, Xander grinned at his reflection for what must have been the tenth time that day. His face was finally his face, hair short once more, and his stubbly chin as manly as ever. He took a couple of steps back and admired the play of muscles on his arms, flexing his biceps with a cursory glance downward to greet his little buddy.

Tomorrow, it was back to work for him.

It would be amazing, working with his hands, sweating, and building things like a man. His ‘extended leave’ due to extenuating circumstances had been cut short and not one of his buddies at work was the wiser.

It was like the last two weeks had never happened.

Life was good.

He grabbed his toothpaste and toothbrush and flashed a set of manly teeth to the mirror. Brushing his teeth, his mind wandered to the next morning and what wall needed to go up first.

Xander, too absorbed in his thoughts as he gazed at his reflection, failed to notice Spike coming in through the slightly ajar door.

Spike paused taking in the scene in front of him. When his presence was not detected, he moved in behind the posturing man. Instead of announcing his presence, Spike dropped his towel. Stretching his limbs, his eyes roamed over Xander as he pondered the situation.

Spike smirked.

He moved closer, light on his feet. He got as close as to put his ear by Xander’s mouth, the other man distracted, busy brushing his teeth and humming.


Jumping away from the whisper at his ear, Xander did a full body turn, tube of paste raised in an instinctive defensive motion. His eyes widened and he froze, tooth brush drooping in his mouth.

“Hm.” Spike pressed his tongue to his cheek and made a show of looking down. “This no doubt gives a new meaning to ‘butting heads’."

Xander proved his newfound manliness by not screaming. He choked, noting vaguely that tooth paste did not go down smoothly.

Spike leered and wiggled a little, "I think it likes me."

With no more than a whimper, Xander escaped.

"Oi! I need that paste!"


02: 23 a.m.

Xander groaned, willing himself to stop looking at the glowing numbers at his bedside and focus on sleeping. He would have blamed it if he could on his excitement for the day ahead - which was going to be in a little over three hours. However, he knew that would be a feeble lie. Scrunching his eyes, he bit back a whine. The simple truth was that every time he closed his eyes he saw Spike’s naked body, all soft curves, pale skin and ---

“Guh!” Xander jumped up, throwing off the covers. Feeling his head spin at the rush, he flopped back down and exhaled in defeat. “This is my own fault.”

It was his fault that Anya was upset with him. It was his fault that he got turned into a girl. And it was definitely his fault that Spike got caught in the middle. He couldn’t very well blame Spike for resenting Xander; after all, he himself was padding that same bleak boat mere hours ago. So it made sense that it was also his fault that he was stuck with the vampire turned weird comrade turned female - hot female. And if Xander had to choose between a moping pissed off Spike - who if easily pressed could find a way to kill him without any Slayer payback - and a Spike who found his pleasure at Xander’s expense with added sexual tension, Xander would be only a tad discomfited to pick the latter less guilt inducing choice.

Problem was, Xander discounted how effortlessly he could be played.

He really needed to sleep.

“What was it that Willow once said?” Xander mumbled, looking at the digital night light clock. 02:30 a.m. “Something about if there’s a song you want out of your head, you gotta sing it to the end. Oh God… here goes nothing.” He closed his eyes.

Pale white skin pulled taut over a firm well-proportioned body. Long flawless neck barely hidden by messy blonde locks. Pink full lips stretched into an inviting smirk.

Xander’s hands clutched onto the covers.

Round ample shameless breasts. Flat stomach. Sexy inviting dip in the hipbone.

Xander wondered if Spike also had that dip when he was male.

By sunrise, Xander had mentally revisited every disgusting demon that had ever crossed his path. Never had a cup of coffee tasted so good.


“Harris, vacation looks good on ya, lucky bastard!”

Xander laughed as a hand roughly smacked him on the back. “Taking that as a complement, Jed,” he said to the muscled giant.

“Man’s only teasing you, Xander.” A warm hand shake and a bright grin presented him with a steaming cup of coffee. “Welcome back.”

Xander exuberantly twisted his shoulder as he accepted the drink. “I know, Matt, but it’d be nice to work up a sweat with the guys rather than desking it for my first day.”

"Ain't happening. We're undermanned. Gonna have to get down and dirty." Jed barked a laugh.

Xander rolled his eyes. "And you wonder why no woman survives this place." He shared a grin with Matt at Jed's confused look. "I'll go change. The South wall isn’t going to put itself up."

For the next few hours, Xander made a show of picking up some of the hardest jobs at the construction site. He even found himself at lunch with a few of the crudest workers, catcalling passing women, trying not to look offended at some of the words they were using.

And why would he?

He was a guy after all.

The day ended far too soon – Xander enjoying the burning in his muscles from a well labored day.

Time came to discuss next week's project, and Xander took no time in claiming the trickiest build, usually assigned to more burly men like Jed. He didn't notice the look that passed between Matt and Jed, especially since Xander tried to volunteer to work over the weekend.

“Ease it in, Harris, we don’t want a lawsuit on our hands,” his boss had ended the day with a kind but serious tone.

Walking toward his car, a yell stopped Xander in his tracks. He turned to see Matt calling for him.

"Xander, you free tonight?"

Xander frowned. He opened his mouth to give some excuse but was interrupted. "Great! ‘Cause me and the Large One--" Matt said, gesturing at Jed standing out front in his one size too small shirt. "Planned a welcome back from obscurity night for you."

Xander made an apologetic face but Matt was too quick for him. "Can't back down. Remember how Jed acted when you refused that bachelor party he had planned for you?"

At Xander's horror struck face, Matt's trademark grin expanded. "It's set then. We'll see you in two hours max at that new bar across town. Know the place?"

Xander nodded.

Matt turned to Jed and yelled, "It's on!"

Xander tried not to outwardly shudder at the overly eager look that took hold of Jed's face.


“Oi, where you off to in a rush?” Spike tutted. “The wet-hair look is so last spring.”

Xander barely spared Spike a glance. “Guys at work roped me into drinks at the bar on the other side of town.”

“I’d go for some wings.”

Xander almost tripped, fixing his shoes as he moved. “What?" He shook his head. "I've no time for this." He rushed towards the door, almost forgetting his keys. He looked around to find them twirling in Spike's hand. Jumping forward, he grabbed them with a grumble. "I could be late. Don't leave your bloody mugs out again."

Spike opened his mouth. Xander held up his hand. "No. Time." He left, slamming the door, his voice trailing behind him, "Like I need this tonight."

Spike arched his eyebrow to the empty room. He played with a strand of his hair, a smirk on his lips. "It is cordial good roommate manner to remind him it was his day to go for a blood run."


Walking past the bouncer, Spike threw him a flirty smile in thanks for letting him in without a cover charge. Say what you say about this body, but it's a money saver.

Spike was used to getting looked at like he was the Day's Special. But tonight, he had made extra effort to be noticed. He had saved this for a rainy day. He glanced down at the dress he had found in the laundry. Xander had missed one of Anya's dresses in his cleansing ritual, and if Spike had to say so, it looked much better on him.

"So much for going out with the guys," Spike murmured sarcastically as he easily discerned Xander and his 'buddies' surrounded by what Spike could easily describe as a flock of bimbos. One particularly reddish monstrosity was slobbering all over his sugar-daddy.

Spike narrowed his eyes when the woman and her claws made a not so subtle shift to Xander’s newly reacquired property. Vampire agility and feminine attributed swiftness had Spike sitting on Xander’s lap. He covered his pleased grin when Xander’s arms unconsciously wrapped around him in support and pouted.

“I missed you, baby.”

“Uh, ah, wha…”

It was interesting how Xander’s mouth never ceased flapping even when he had nothing to say.

Spike locked eyes with Xander. Xander was giving him the wide-eyed ‘What the Hell’ look. Spike smirked his ‘Payback Time’ smile, leaning closer, taking in how Xander’s body froze but his eyes moved to Spike’s lips, moving down…


Spike blinked his eyes, pretending like he forgot there were other people around, he moved back, trying to ignore the distracting sound of racing heart beat in his ears. Xander’s mates varied from a gigantic nimrod who apparently invested his height in checking down Spike’s dress and a bright eyed pup about Harris’s age that seemed taken aback at the turn of the events. Of course, one must not forget their female companions who sized him up as competition.

Spike wiggled more in Xander’s lap and played with the hair curling at the nape of his neck for extra measure. The heart beat sped up again. He looked at the redhead who, up close, had a complexion that was quickly catching up to her hair.

“What’s going on?” she said under her breath.

Spike sniffed, thinking that she would have been better off passing on that last order of schnapps.

“Why, aren’t you cute? Don’t pay any sense to those oafs who say them jugs aren’t real.” Spike pleasantly smiled at the flabbergasted redhead. “Those Mexicans sure know their cows.”

Xander could only gape. His hands, in contrast, instinctively tightened around Spike.

Spike cocked an eyebrow.

“Oh, I never!” The redhead raised her hand and promptly smacked Xander’s mouth closed. “Let’s go ladies.” She marched out, glaring at her hens to follow.

“Dude that was hot,” Jed exclaimed.

This caused Xander to snap out of stupor and push Spike off as he stood up.

“Xander, you really should’ve told us you had a girl - and here we gone all out thinking you needed to be brought out of a post-Anya slump.” Matt tisked.

Xander paused mid glaring at a merry Spike flamboyantly chewing at a buffalo wing to look at his coworkers. “What?”

“It was only a thought before, but we rushed it out seeing as you were gaming for Hulk at the site today,” Jed said, pumping his hands. “If I didn’t know you, kid, I would’ve pegged you for juicer.”

Spike was faster on the uptake than Xander. He finished licking off sauce from his fingers and slinked up to Xander, swiftly having himself wrapped in his arms. Before Xander had a chance to shove him away, Spike covered his whispered, “Want to get canned?”, with a peck to his ear.

Xander heaved a silent groan and clutched painfully at Spike’s arm in warning.

Spike was not phased and instead turned a brilliant smile at the two seated men.

“Poor boy couldn’t wait to get back to work - he couldn’t sleep, he was so excited. Mumbling all night the attributes that go into a one-of-a-kind build…”

Spike didn’t need to look to feel Xander’s entire body flush.

Matt nodded his head. “That makes sense.”

“Uh hm.” Spike burrowed into Xander.

Jed wolf whistled. “Well, dude, color us surprised and pumped. Your new lady’s smoking’!” He gave two thumbs up. At Matt’s jab, he added, “And sophisticated.”

Spike bit back a haughty snort at Americans and their regard to an English accent.

Xander chuckled nervously and gently eased Spike away from him. “Oh, well…”

Matt looked between them, attention peeked. “So, how long have you two been an item?”

Spike eyes twinkled and cut in as if he was speaking in an afterthought, “Oh, Xanny. We’re out of milk.” He enjoyed the startled look on Xander’s face. He fluttered his lashes. “It was your turn to pick up more.”

“You already live together?” Matt exclaimed. He blushed when he realized he had said that out loud.

Jed was not as tactful. “That’s why the wedding was a bust.” He punched Matt in the shoulder. “Told you it wasn’t ‘cause Harris was playing fairy. Not with a babe like this.”

Matt blushed even brighter.

This time it was Xander’s turn to interrupt as he tentatively laughed, thanked the guys for the drinks, and made a hasty exist, dragging Spike along before the vampire made things worse.

Outside the bar, Xander turned to glower at Spike. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Spike puckered his lips. “Milk’s code for blood.” 

Part 16 

Date: 2010-03-01 06:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This just gets more and more entertaining.

Date: 2010-03-01 06:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Aim achieved! ;)

Date: 2010-03-01 06:22 pm (UTC)
ext_7259: (Default)
From: [identity profile]
Evil, naughty Spike!

Xander proved his newfound manliness by not screaming.


“Milk’s code for blood.”

I wonder if eventually guys will use "cookies" as code for sex...

Date: 2010-03-01 06:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Would give a new meaning to Cookie Monster...

Date: 2010-03-01 07:04 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
that spike's a mess!!

Date: 2010-03-01 09:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hee! Very fun.

Date: 2010-03-05 08:58 am (UTC)

Date: 2010-03-01 11:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
hee hee.

“What do you have to say for yourself?”

Spike puckered his lips. “Milk’s code for blood.”

Hee! Great comedic timing on that last one-two punch!

Poor Xan. He has no hope of coping with the brilliance that is Spike.

Date: 2010-03-05 08:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
With the last line I knew that the fic was ready to be posted lol

Well, I think Xander is a fast learner ;)

Date: 2010-03-02 05:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
haha - Spike's fun. I liked the last line too, hee.

Date: 2010-03-05 09:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you. Spike knows how to make the best of a bad situation.

Date: 2010-03-02 06:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*smirk* Oh, Spike, that was just wicked! X-D

Date: 2010-03-05 09:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Xander did have it coming to him. Who in their right mind dismisses Spike like that? Tsk tsk.

Date: 2010-03-02 10:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
C is for cookies...ya right! Brilliant! Now I have to reread. Yay!

Date: 2010-03-05 09:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
LOL Thank you.

I do have this image of the boys eating corn flakes and watching Sesame Street.

Date: 2010-04-24 02:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Gotta love the "milk's code for blood" line. LOL

Very good read!

Date: 2010-04-28 03:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you :D


Date: 2010-07-18 04:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I want more!!!!

Re: More?

Date: 2010-10-12 03:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
More is up :)

Date: 2010-07-21 03:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
What a great story! Will there be more?

Date: 2010-10-12 03:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you. There is more posted a few seconds ago ;)


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